Doukouhansha # 1
Hitomi's notes in parenthesis ( )
Translator's notes in brackets [ ]
1st installment
Hitomi Time
First off, hajimemashite.
I am Moran's vocalist, Hitomi.
As it's the first installment, it will be somewhat self-introductory, and show what type of person I am. Additionally, I thought I should try and explain why I chose to write this.
Since I was little, I was the type of kid who, no matter what I was doing, took an unusual amount of time doing it. For example, school tests. During test time, when we were nearing the last half, I remember seeing a lot of people on the verge of sleeping, but perhaps that's because I felt I never had enough time to finish a test. With only ten minutes left, I'd survey those around me, and I could never understand why 10 to 20 percent of the class seemed to have free time on their hands.
I [worked] until the end, and I would check over my answers, but it wasn't because of that that I didn't finish, I just don't remember ever reaching the final question of the test. And I think that I believed I was really stupid. Actually, I was really bad at studying, and as far as a five-point grading scale, in my whole life I've never reached a five. Importantly when it comes to studying, I really hate writing, and I've never filled up an entire notebook when taking notes, and in notebooks that I used for year-long subjects, I would, at most, usually only get to the 10th page. I never understood the notes I'd written for each subject, so, perhaps it wasn't that much of a problem after all.
Regarding notes, usually the orthodox way of doing it is to copy whatever is written on the blackboard, but for me, before I could write down what was on the board, we would move on to the next topic and the board would be completely erased. That's why I gave up on taking notes that I so grew to hate. The speed at which I wrote things down, how long it took me to grasp concepts, whatever I did was all tragically slow, and for that type of person, when compared to others in a school environment, I felt like I was the only one that was miserable.
But studying isn't the only thing that my "slowness" is restricted to. One setting which I've come to realize I'm slow at is when I'm at the sentou [bathhouse].
Just about everytime that there's a one-shot live far from home, and so not during a tour, I go to the sentou with the other members. A lot of times when we have a live away from home we don't actually end up staying in that city overnight, but we usually go back home to Tokyo. Usually by the time we get back to Tokyo it's sometime in the morning. When I get home I'm generally exhausted, and I just don't have the energy to get into the ofuro, but going to the sentou beforehand and refreshing myself really makes me look forward to coming home clean. When we go to the sentou, before we get into the bathing area, everyone washes their face, their body, and though we all start this at the same time, everyone ends up going into the bathing area when they feel like it. And by the time that I've completely finished washing, all of the other members are already done and have left the bathing area, and there have been countless times that it's just ended up being me in the bath by myself. In such a big bath, shouldn't it be full of noisy people? Well, it's always a little lonely.
There are other situations as well. When I wake up it takes awhile for my body and brain to function, and when I'm getting ready to go out I must spend adequate time preparing. But [there are also times that] I realize I'm doing something that I could care less about, and then I know, already, that it's just one of my faults that comes from being human.
At times I fall into the sense that I'm living in two different times. One time that I'm living in is the realistic world, while the other is an unrealistic world, it's easy to understand if I say that it's a 'delusional world'. All of a sudden an unrealistic story will come to me, and when that happens, time in the realistic world stops. It feels almost as if it's a dream. It's like when you try and fall back asleep, and I'm sure you know what I mean. For example, you open your eyes because you've got to go the bathroom, and somewhat tired you wonder when it was that you fell asleep, and you had dreamt of going to the bathroom numerous times. It's that type of experience that occurs during normal activities in life. And when you take notice of things like that, then you're in the 'delusional world,' and the only thing that moves is time. If it was only happy delusions, then you could go forward, but that's a little dangerous. But perhaps that's how happy people think, but in my case, it's not like that; it's troublesome instead.
When you just can't get ahold of someone by phone, whether it's a lover or a relative, I think most people think that the absolute worst thing has happened, and other things don't matter. Or when the opposite sex is doing something wrong .... or when there are traffic accidents and the like .... there are no words that come to your head, and only the images of those kinds of scenes stick inside of your head; I'm sure you can understand that kind of feeling. And when you don't want to imagine those kinds of scenes, there's a horrible scene, or some kind of catalyst, that suddenly makes those images appear before your eyes, as well as allows the images to linger inside of your mind.
Often, I'm told that "Hitomi-kun, I'd like to see what's going on inside of that head of yours." But because I think that there's more than we can imagine to this strange world, it's best not to peek. Fun, happiness, the unrealistic, animals, from love to business ideas, this endlessly delusional world is on the one hand too huge, and on the other hand, you cannot completely understand it.
When I was an elementary school student, I thought only about Science Fiction adventure movies, and I fabricated everything then. It was because I didn't want to live in reality.
To go back even further, when I was in kindergarten, I always thought there was an invisible man near me, and sometimes, even though I couldn't see him next to me, I'd pretend: "I know you're here," or I'd appeal to him by saying: "You're my best friend." And nonetheless, though I was vigilant, toys would disappear without me taking them. I must have been a strange kid back then.
I don't like to be misunderstood, and I'll tell you now at least that I am a person who can distinguish between reality and the delusional. I'm friends with people who can as well, but when they seem to be developing delusions, it's absolutely necessary for them to talk with their imaginary friends or their lovers.
Ultimately, what I've been trying to say is that I spend my time differently than other people. I have an odd sleeping schedule, and I don't really have a daily routine. Naturally, it annoys quite a few people. (Even in this month's interview ...)
But like I said, from this offbeat sense, I've created all my columns and poetry, so please understand. Don't you think I'd be boring if I became just a normal person?
